You ask the server to suggest a wine and give him/her a price range. The answer is a standard, "Every wine on the list is fine". This should provide a clue that the server has no idea of wine and is not interested to learn about the beverage. Similarly it shows clearly the attitude of the management of the establishment by failing to train servers.

You order a wine you feel would complement the food ordered. Wine glasses are brought to the table along with the wine. Smell the glass in front of you and check it carefully. If the glass smells soapy, and is spotty, you should ask for a new set of glasses! No self-respecting server would present unpolished and improperly rinsed wine glasses. White wine should arrive cold in an ice bucket or similar container, and red wine at the right temperature.

After presenting the bottle (check whether the vintage on the label corresponds to that advertised on the menu), the server pours a little in your glass for your approval.

Approximately, five to seven percent of corked wines smell "off", i.e adversely affected by a faulty cork. A "corked" wine smells like wet cardboard, and very unpleasant. This wine must be replaced without argument. In some restaurants, servers are ignorant enough to tell you that is how the wine smells.

Then there are other faults that few guests detect, and point out. Some of them are listed below, and which can be detected even by inexperienced palates.

Excessive sulphur or bacterially infected (such wines smell like "off" cheese, and of burnt match sticks).

Oxidized - wines exposed to excessive amounts of oxygen during bottling, or heat, or due to a loose cork, or stored upright, or for far too long. Many wineries are now switching to synthetic corks, which definitely eliminate the cork problem and oxidization to some extent. Many New Zealand and Australian wineries now use improved screw caps (Stelwin) to guarantee freshness.

Maderized - a wine exposed to excessive heat for a long time and too much oxygen. Such wines smell "cooked", old, and altogether unpleasant with unnatural, murky, dark colours (red wines are brown or black, white wines dark brownish yellow).

Cloudy wines indicate suspended protein, which indicates the wine was not stabilized in the winery before bottling.

Overoaked wines smell of oak and little else. Wines must smell of fruit (not grapes) and be brilliant in colour and vibrant hue.

Crystals indicate the wine has been stabilized. Actually, this may be regarded as a good thing meaning that the wine has been left natural.

A wine that smells of geranium means sorbic acid was added before the wine completed its malolactic fermentation, during which half of the harsh malic acid is converted to mellow lactic acid.

Wines that smell of rotten eggs and rubbery contain hydrogen sulphide, and must be rejected.

In any restaurant, the minimum you should expect from a server is to serve you a decent wine in an acceptable manner, and replace the bottle if faulty as explained above. Should the server refuse, ask for the manager or owner and voice your grievance.

Any professional will immediately remedy the situation. If you order a wine but dislike the way it smells or tastes, but has no faults otherwise the bottle is yours. Old wines (25 year old Beaujolais or those that ought to be consumed within a year or two of the vintage) smell earthy, sometimes weak, unappealing, neutral and look murky. This cannot be changed and old wines must be accepted as they are. They are as the saying goes, "over the hill", but a restaurateur worth his salt will advise you in advance, or will tell you the condition of the wine and what you can expect. There are consumers that like old wines, but thanks god they are a miniscule minority. Some ask old wines just to tell their friends that they had such and such wine and the age. Of course, you can buy 100-year-old Madeira wines, still in very good condition but such wines are rarities and cost accordingly.

Anything less should provide a clue that you are not in well-managed establishment.

Now he consults and writes to increase wine, beer and liquor awareness. He conducts seminars and would be pleased to consider your requests. To peruse the list of his published books and order please contact him at hirayrberberoglu_3@sympatico.ca

Hryar Berberoglu www.littlefatwino.com